Dear Jerk

I take the morning metro to work every day. That’s probably the biggest reason why I prefer travelling in Delhi to Mumbai. I get an A/C environment, clean surroundings and the confidence that no matter how crowded the train is, I would not make it to the headlines of the story talking about some freak accident in the next day’s papers. Also, if I land up in the ladies’ coach, I can always walk through to the general coach unlike the Mumbai local where I can only pray that I am not beaten to pulp by the time the train reaches the next station.

The Delhi Metro (left) and the Mumbai Local (right)

However, I believe one stands a greater chance of coming across a jerk in the Delhi Metro. I come across a couple of them almost every day but today was special. I thought I met someone from the ‘Super Jerk’ species. Here’s a little note I wrote to him while the journey lasted.

Dear Super Jerk,

I know you are trying to look like some hot shot CEO who must read his newspapers before reaching office, but the foot that you have been crushing since New Ashok Nagar passed by, belongs to me and you or your company has no claim on it. Also, please keep your newspaper to yourself and stop shoving it in my face.

Did I tell you that you have a terrible taste in music? I can tell that because just like the passenger sitting 2 rows to the left, I can also hear the Backstreet boys song you are listening to on your earphones which If I am not mistaken was picked up when you last took that Kingfisher flight. On second thoughts, I could probably tolerate the song but you’d need to stop singing along.

Is there are a reason why you should be wearing those sunglasses inside the train at 8 in the morning?  Is it because you don’t want people to know that you are staring at the girl sitting right across and not really reading the newspaper? Guess what, your open mouth is giving you in. Stop staring at her; she is probably 1/4^th your age.

Alright now, I gotta go. You’d probably get down where most of the girls would. Just a friendly advice- when you walk out, please zip up your fly.

Your friendly co-passenger.

Did I send it to him? I dunno. But I turned on my bluetooth broadcast and forwarded it to a around half a dozen passengers who had shown willingness to accept unsolicited messages from random people. We Indians love to take free stuff :P